it's never easy

You let go, so now it's my turn. I can accept that, but when I find happiness, don't decide you love me

You walked away from me. You just left me standing there, on my own.  I showed you the real me and you did nothing.  I gave you my heart and you broke it in pieces.  So don't ask me if I'm okay, because honestly, you know I'm not.

I guess its because I can't help but to remember everything. I mean, you see somebody and you think about all they've ever said and done. The good and the bad. It all comes back to you, and it feels so right and hurts so bad all at once.

 Fuck you and everything you put me through.

The truth was that I knew, after all those flat January days, that I deserved better. I deserved I love yous and kiwi fruits and flowers and warriors coming to my door, besotted with love. I deserved pictures of my face in a million expressions, and the warmth of a baby’s kick under my hand. I deserved to grow, and to change, to become all the girls that I could be over the course of my life, each one better than the last.

I wanna be known as girl that  "the one he talked about constantly" by your friends.

She's been hurt many times before this. You'd think it would be routine by now. You'd think she wouldn't let it get to her. But the truth is, she trusted you.

She has feelings ; she has a heart. In fact, she probably has the biggest heart among all the girls you know. Because although you’ve given her nothing, not one reason for her to be around, she’s still there. And someday, she won’t be anymore.

One day you're going to want that specific girl. That girl that knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you and love you the only way she knew she could. That girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can't bring herself to hate you, even though you probably deserve it.

The worst part of all of this is that i thought you were different. I believed you when you told me that you would stay and that was my biggest mistake.

you were the one guy who was supposed to show me you were different, instead you showed me you were all the same.

someone asked me if i knew you and i million memories flashed by as i replied, 'i use to.'

You are replaceable. And it bothers you because I am not. You aren't going to find another me. You can try, but those girls won't compare. You need me. But I don't need you. I don't think I ever really did.

She was wearing a pair of my pajamas with the sleeves rolled up. When she laughed I wanted her again. A minute later she asked me if I loved her. I told her it didn’t mean anything but that I didn’t think so. She looked sad. But as we were fixing lunch, and for no apparent reason, she laughed in such a way that I kissed her.

It just hurts to know that your talking to her and that when you see her picture it makes you happy. Maybe your saying the same words to her that you said to me or maybe what your saying to her you actually mean it this time and that kills me.

I guess now I am realizing that my heart is too big for any guy out there because I get hurt all the time. I have beginning to get used to it and it fucking sucks but now I would rather be single then be treated like shit. I don't need a guy to make me happy.

and sure there's obstacles in the way – broken hearts, and bitter best friends, life problems, and bad hair days, but every day, she smiles and moves on cause nothing in the world is going to stop her.

I don't know how much longer I can take this. You run through my mind like there's no tomorrow, I don't know when there's a second when I'm not thinking about you. it's like your haunting me or something and the worst part is you're not even mine.

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name.

I know I sort of pushed you away. But even if I hadn't done that, I doubt you would have stayed.

When you call my name, I get the chills. When I see your name pop-up of my phone, my heart beats. When we’re having an interesting conversation, I smile. When you hug me, I never want to let go of you.This has to mean something, right?

I’m learning not to sweat the small stuff. This year has been about finding strength in myself, not looking to others for it.

This life of mine has it's flaws, but it's the only one I got. I'm going to hold my head high, look on the bright side, and smile even when I want to cry. Because I'm not letting anyone or anything bring me down.

I screamed and kicked and yelled and cried for you. I gave it my all, but that wasn't enough. And you know what, when everything doesn't cut it, then we don't either. All the pain and the hurt feels like so long ago. I'm over you.

You were the guy of my dreams, but I think I'm finally waking up.

And you know what? Last night I realized something. It's not that I want you to hold me, it's that I want you reach for me.

Tell me that you're doing fine, I still remember every time. And everyone I know will say that you were always part of me. And I miss you like you never knew.

The truth? I tried as hard as I could. I took as much as I could take. I put up with all I could and it still wasn’t enough.

And I'm blasting my music so I won't hear my thoughts, but it's stupid because the lyrics remind me of what I'm trying to forget.

And for a moment I felt like he truly cared. He wanted to know why I pushed him away, and all I could say was, "I can't love you anymore."

I was shooting for stars on a saturday night, they say what goes up, must come down. But don't let me fall.