Monday, June 27, 2011

better days

Look at you, you’re so young and you’re so scared. Why are you so scared? Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring what other people think. Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want to listen to. Play it loud as fuck and dance to it. Go out for a drive at midnight and forget you have school the next day. When are you going to realized that you can do whatever you want?

Cause I've been through enough in the past year alone and I still haven't broke, thats what being strong really is.

What happens when all you can do is remember?

You taught me many things, like how it feels to miss someone so bad it feels like a part of you is missing. I can tell you one thing, now that you have gone I never will forget you. You left your mark.
This is life. People will screw you over. You’ll fight with your family. You’ll witness things that will change you forever. You’ll blame new lovers for things old lovers did. You’ll lose best friends you thought would always be there. You’ll come to realize that everyone has a past. You’ll cry, you’ll laugh, and you’ll embarrass yourself. But then, you’ll find your very own moment where none of that matters; where you can sit back and realize that shit happens to the people who can handle it and that this is who you are, and that no one should want to change you, including yourself.
I want to appreciate the times when moments are made into memories. I want to embrace them, cherish them and never forget that they come so few and far between. I know that wherever life takes me, these moments will always follow. They remind me of what's truly important. It's not just life, but living. It's the journey, the destination and all the points in between.
I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it’s going to be okay. When you’re hopeless as can be, and life is going nowhere, there’s those moments we have every now and then where we just stop, and we get this feeling, that can’t be described, but you just.. you just feel like everything really is going to be okay. Like the world stopped spinning for a second, and everything was clear. I need more of those moments.
the thing about life that i’ve learned is that you’re going to get hurt. you’re going to have emotional nights and cry yourself to sleep for hours. you’re going to suffer some kind of loss. but you will also have those moments where you heal. those moments are the best. you feel like you smile for the first time again. you feel like you’re alive again. life just kind of restarts.

She's so sick of never being beautiful enough. Never being stronger, or better. She's sick of going home everyday, and  wishing she was someone else. For once she wants to look in the mirror and be happy for what she sees back. She's so sick of everyone telling her "You can do so much better than that." Maybe she can't? And people talking behind her back. Yeah well she found out. She's sick of people bringing her down and telling her that she isn't good enough. But I guess all she really wants, is to be more than second best.
Forgive me because I am sensitive and unsure. Forgive me because I needed you to say something and you didn't say anything.
people ask me who i am. the answer? i don’t really know. a few years ago, i would have said that I was a girl who loved life. a few months ago, i would have said i was a girl who loved a boy with everything she had. now, i guess you could say i’ve been through a lot and i’ve been broken in too many places and too many ways. i guess you could say i’m just trying to find my place.

This life of mine has it's flaws, but it's the only one I got. I'm going to hold my head high, look on the bright side, and smile even when I want to cry. Because I'm not letting anyone or anything bring me down.
It’s funny how you think you actually mean something to someone, and they just turn around and prove you wrong.
I’ve learned this past year. I’ve changed, I’ve grown and maybe things do happen for a reason. Maybe they don’t. But no matter what, they still happen. That’s what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and that it’s okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won’t care. I’ve learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I’ve learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I’ve learned that today is all we have.

time doesn't heal you when you're not ready to move on.

i just wanna feel okay again. everything that's happened lately has been stretching my strength to it's very ends. i don't know how much longer i can hold on. i feel like i'm drowning, literally. i've been fighting this current for so long and i have been fighting desperately to stay at the surface. but now, all i wanna do is give up.

And he asked what happened to that smile, the one i never left the house without. I answered becasue you took it with you when you said goodbye
You’re so afraid to do things, or try something new. But in the end if you don’t take those chances your going to shut out the best things in life.

you weren't there when i needed you most. you didn't call or hold me close. my heart was breaking in so many ways, but you walked away knowing i wasn't okay. and i realized: i was never worth it to you

You know what? Yes I Have changed. I'm not as nice as I used to be, because I don't want to get used or walked over, I don't trust everyone and tell them my secrets , because behind every fake smile is a backstabbing bitch. I distance myself from people because in the end, they're only going to leave. I Have changed because I have realized that im the only person I can depend on.

There you are crying in your closet, holding your legs up close to your chest, tears falling
from your eyes like raindrops, and you think that everything will never be the same and
that everything you do is wrong. You think that no one cares or loves you, that no one
really understands what you believe in, that everything you love always disappears.
I did the same thing and i've thought the same thing and to tell you the truth i thought
my live would never end up the way i want it to. I wanted it to just be this perfect life
like the movies, but nobody's life is perfect. It can be perfect for a little while but once
the perfect ends everything seems like a mess. You just have to wipe away the tears
get up off your floor walk outside and just breath and know that tomorrow is a new
day and tomorrow might be the day where everything finally gets betters. You just
have to believe that everything will be alright and that tomorrow is a new day
and you'll make it, i promise you, you will.

No one has the right to judge us, because
no one really knows what we've been through.
They may have heard about our stories,
but they never felt what we felt.
The problem with time, I've learned, whether it's those first two weeks I got to spend with you, or the final two months I got to spend with him, eventually time always runs out. I have no idea where you are out there in the world. But I understand that I lost the right to know these things long ago. No matter how many years go by, I know one thing to be as true as ever was - I'll see you soon then
I want a new start. I want a new hair color and new clothes. I want a new house and i want my problems gone. I want to learn how to dance and how to sing good. I want to be able to do something that makes other people jealous. I'm ready for a new me.
It sucks when you miss that person so much that you look through old photos, old text messages, even old statuses. And it brings a smile to your face, but then the hurt comes back and you know you shouldn’t be looking back, but you can’t help it because they really meant something to you and you thought it would have lasted. but it didn’t.

i couldn't tell you why we are best friends. you really wouldn't understand the explanation. it’s full of too many insiders and made up words it's full of too much care & too many tears, too many laughsand too many blonde moments. and i don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you any better reason except that she's always been there.
I think I'm scared to be happy for once.
Because when I finally am happy, something bad always happens.
Been through it all, dealt with broken hearts and backstabbing bitches. Unloving parents and failing grades. Been through it all,and gotten stronger. But every now and then the memories flow back and that girl just breaks down
Sometimes it takes a really good fall to know where you stand.
she looked into the night sky and said "so this is what it feels like, letting go of everything".

People are constantly telling me who I am.
I wish for once they’d let me figure it out on my own.

Stay true to yourself, because there are very few people who will stay true to you.
Here's to old memories, new beginnings, and taking chances. Things are gonna change, but maybe that's what I need after all.
If you want what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done

I'm starting to crave new beginnings, brighter memories, and happy endings

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
Fuck being a teenager. Fuck loving the people that don’t give a shit about you. Fuck staying up at night thinking about someone that doesn’t care about you. Fuck being led on. Fuck crying over someone that broke your heart. Fuck the friends that leave you once they find a boyfriend/girlfriend. Fuck parents that have a go at you for everything that you do. Fuck the people that have too high expectations of you. Fuck the people that think you’re capable of nothing. Fuck sitting at home feeling lonely. Fuck feeling like there is no one that loves you. Fuck seeing the people that you love change and leave you behind. Fuck the people that don’t appreciate you. Fuck growing up.
Take me back to the sleepless nights, the stupid fights,take me back to when it never mattered who was wrong or right
But no matter where you are in this world, it seems you’re always missing somebody.

I've always avoided fights. I make jokes instead. I tell people what they want to hear in order to avoid a confrontation. I pretend to want things I don't want, and I pretend not to want things I do want. No one gets hurt. Except me. The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don't know what I want. I just know I want it to be easy.
You gotta put your past behind ya. Look kid, bad things happen and you can't do anything about it right? Wrong, when the world turns its back on you, you have to turn your back on the world.
Hakuna Matata, It means no worries. - The Lion King
Chin up beautiful, everything's going to be alright.